Dear Old Friend

I have started this letter to you too many times to count. Somehow what I want to say sounds so shallow and I am unsure if you even want to hear it. I find it hard, after almost 5 years to know where to begin, or what to say.

I want to tell you that I have missed your friendship and companionship. I want to tell you that I am sorry for the things that I did that created the rift between us.

And I want to tell you how incredibly sorry I was to hear about the loss of your father. I know the sorrow that comes with losing someone so close and important to you. Losing a parent is especially hard and I am sorry that I was not there for you to support you in a time where the world no longer made sense and when you needed all of your friends.

And I grieve because your father was always kind to me, always treated me as an equal, like I was important. Your father and your mother helped me to realize that no matter the mistakes I had made or the wrong turns I had taken, I was important and I still had the potential to be anything that I wanted to.

And I want to tell you that your parents are a big reason that I decided to go back to school to become a nurse. Your mothers enthusiasm and love for what she did inspired me. Because of her and your father I have decided to follow the same path and become a midwife. And I wanted you to know that I wish that your father could know that he made a difference in my life. I am a better person because of you, because of your parents.

And whether you decide to ever talk to me again or you want to let life remain as it is, I wanted you to know that having had you and your family in my life changed the path that I was on, and I will be forever grateful for your friendship and support. Forever grateful for having someone who believed in me even when I did not believe in my self.

I hope that in time I will get the chance to make a difference in someone else's life, a chance to pay it forward. And when and if I get that opportunity I will remember when someone did the same for me and know that even in death, people can still change our lives, still make a difference.