Sunday, August 17, 2008

Note to Self #3

1. Do not go on vacation with your in-laws. Although you may get along well before you leave, by the time you get back you will have an overwhelming urge to throttle them while they sleep.

2. Remember, however interfering your mother-in-law is, she is your husbands mother and you will have to deal with her for the rest of your life. Try to control the urge to throttle her in her sleep as it will help you avoid marital spats.

3. In an effort to maintain a friendly relationship with your in-laws it would be best if you didn't inform them that you think that they should have spanked their children more when they were younger (no matter how true this statement may be!!)

4. When your mother-in-law accuses you of using her son for money, do not slap her (no matter how strong the urge may be!) Try to be the bigger person. However satisfying popping her in her nosy mouth may be, it may lead to an argument with your spouse. Instead, politely inform her that your finances are none of her concern as you have never, and will never, ask her for money.

5. However satisfying it may be, it may not be prudent to inform said interfering mother-in-law that she is in America and in this country marriage is a partnership not a dictatorship.

6. When all else fails, try to remember that if you do have to remind her that she lives in America and in this country men are not the boss by virtue of having a penis, or that regardless of what she thinks that no man has the right to speak to his wife as though she were garbage, try to do so with a smile.

7. When your in-laws poor time management skills cause you to miss your flight home (which also happens to be the last flight of the day), continue to avoid the urge to throttle them. Now may be a good time for the tequila you stashed in your luggage. If drinking it does not help at least you will have something hard to knock them out with.

8. When invited on their trip next year, try to avoid the phrase "HELL NO!!" Instead decline gracefully. Then leave everyone else at home and go alone to visit Thea.